D'Eyes
 
D'Ramblings

"I use this 2 Ramble and people call me D."


This blog is in reverse chronological order
Newbies - start reading from the bottom and work your way up.
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Where will D be next:
No major confirmed dates at present. Check back soon 4 details.
Until then D recommends should U wish 2 arrange something.



THIS BLOG CONTAINS ADULT ORIENTED MATERIAL.




This Blog is by a wee little creature affectionately called D by the ones that love and hate him.

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Blogs D recommends:
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© D'Ramblings 2003

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Saturday, December 04, 2004
Untitled...

3:20am - Saturday the 4th of December 2004.

And if you'll have listened very carefully, u'll have heard a heart and all so many dreams crack and then shatter.




And what does one do while they r now left heartless and dreamless.



And is a broken heart replaced with a new shinier model or is it just patched up as best as can be.



And in my 28th year I am still learning.




And if in a few minutes if u listen even closer still you'll hear tears as they trickle onto blue satin pillowcases.
And I am hoping that if u look closely too, u'll see angels lie beside me and stroke my shaved head as I slowly drift off 2 sleep.







Carrot: Be good 2 u. Love, Me.

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Sunday, November 28, 2004
Of Veggies Thought Of...

To Carrot:
Throughout my day I find myself thinking of u. Every nite as I drift off 2 sleep, you're the one on my mind.
And first thing in the morning b4 I stretch and greet a new day, yup - u - first thing on my mind.
Crazy hey, but I like it.
Someone offered me half their stick of gum and I laughed inside. Hmmm, Carrot. :)
I hope u r well.
Pumpkin.

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Monday, November 08, 2004
Of Youngness...

So I'm growing my hair until who knows (till I see carrot? Probably) and guess what I found this morning?

My first grey hair. Well, actually, 2 of them. Lord how time flies. Probably just the stress. I'm still young. Always will be young 2 me.

U only ever get old 2 people who tire of u. And then - they matter not.



Carrot: I wanted 2 ring u this morning and freak 'n' laugh bout finding my 1st grey hairs. Just thought I'd share and couldn't think of anybody else I'd want 2 share with. Oh well. Shared.
:)

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Thursday, October 28, 2004
Of Now...

Well, what have I been up 2 lately?
Ok - I've gotten a job. yay! The Tax department. 6 month contract as the training coordinator for tax investigators. Cool.
I've done my last contract course and current last computer training course 4 Lord knows how long and I went out with a BANG! Wicked! What a way 2 end or pause a what...? 12 year career...? Brilliant!

Flew 2 Napier last nite with the Tax job and flew back this afternoon. I really must get back to Napier 4 a weekend trip away soon. Would be nice 2 do it with someone romantically. (I have Carrot in mind.)
{{Mental note 2 self: Room 1 - under bottom draw by window}}

I've started talking 2 The Ex. I feel good not hating him. I guess I could say we r mates now. Well kind of. Complex. But do I really have 2 label it? Can't really call him my Y (not quite and X but not really a current either = a Y - u heard it from me first, yup, another D-isim, feel free 2 use it but don't 4get where u heard it.)

So, single, free, working, getting happy. Could this be the start 2 a happy Summer and rest of the year? We'll see.

Oh - must not 4get this one:
I had a very bad dream the other day. I dreamt I was in bed, asleep (on of this Right Here Right Now dreams) witha HUGE python curled up beside me under the covers. Every now and then it would move ever so slightly and I could feel it there, beside me against my skin. I was paralysed. It still has me spooked.
Now I can't remember if (culturally) that mean either Death or Money or Bad Luck. hmmm....

Hmmm what else? Oh yeah, Val is living with me. Well, kind of. hahaha - I'm liking it.

Thinking of growing my hair. Ha, that idea probably won't last. Think I'll grow it till I see Carrot again. Why? Don't know. Just.

Hmmm.. tired now. Nap time. Peace, be positive and open. Always Open.

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Of The Disbanding of The Amyl Sisters...

I lost a really good friend last week.
I hope I find him again soon.

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Monday, October 11, 2004
Of Getting It Back and Giving It Back...

Yup - The Plan worked PERFECTLY.
Am I proud of it? No.
Would I do it again? I pray I never have 2.
It took me 2 places I never want 2 ever go again.
But it had 2 be done.
Player just got played and My Heart is mine again.

It feels so good 2 be free again. Out of the darkness and now it's just the long journey "home".

Message 2 You: (Yeah, You.)
I know you can do it. I have faith in you. As I told you, I'm here for you. Forgive you?
Not yet - you know what that would take. And it would just be forgiveness as a human being - nothing more.
But like I said, "We are even now. And when you are ready to stop playing games, let me know."
Keep doing what you've decided to do - it will be hard, but not as hard as coming to the point of deciding to do it. For that, I am proud of you. And remember the two things I said you stop for now? Stop them. Now. Honestly, you need clean non-distracting time for you.
And remember, it will take as long as you want it to take. You made the decision to go through with this, so don't do it lightly, dive right on in and get it done the way you get everything else done.




(Please note certain blog entries will be removed in the next few days. They served their purpose and r no longer warranted.)

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Of The Reapers, Newbies and Defectors...

And in this dark nothingness I have been withering in, I think I finally see a flicker of light.

2 all those that stuck by me during these times of trial and tribulation: Soon u shall reap what u have sown.

2 The Newbies in my life - those that came in when it was dark and stayed to keep me company: I thank u. May we grow in The Light that presently flickers. And if that light goes out, I know u'll stay becoz u r comfortable with me in the dark.

And 2 those that abandonded me and abused me and left me in my dark hours: Pity on u. Won't it be a bitch when u realise u lost one of the best things in your life just becoz it was going through a bad patch? Friend, Lover, whatever. To The Defectors: Good Luck.

And to Myself: I Love You.
{{Thank U, we love u 2.}}

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Of Rebounding...

Message 2 a friend:
There is no rule as to when a new guy is no longer a rebound. I mean when does it go from Rebound to Homebound…?

Know what I mean?

What’s the cut off point?

There isn't one. I think we get caught up in wondering what the ex will think if they find out u moved on so soon. And it's good that u care. But at the end of the day, "Main Goal in Life?"
"To be happy."

So just Be. Long as u don't try 2 hurt nobody...

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Monday, October 04, 2004
Of Taking Back Control (Part 2 - The Upward Journey)...

So, I got offered a job 2day.

More on that 2 follow.

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Saturday, October 02, 2004
Of Aliens, Predators, Bourbon, Coke and Friends...

11:58pm
Just got home. Dinner, a movie and 2 drinks with mates. Just what I needed.
Hayden, V, Mahi - thank you.

Bourbon and Coke - man that brought back memories of a bygone era.
I must have been all of what? 6teen, 7teen?
Ha, and brandy and milk. hahahahaha
Going 2 basketball ball games to support my boyfriend and getting pissed in the process.
he he.

Good nite world. See u in the morrow.

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